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Please visit my new digs at www.crowleysridgejournal.com/blog.

Or, if you prefer, you can also go to blog.crowleysridgejournal.com.

Starting today, the Crowley’s Ridge Journal blog takes up permanent residency there. And please stay tuned for what I think will be an announcement of some size.

The bad news: I’ve not yet had success in moving the posts and comments from this site to the new domain. But I’ll give it a few more tries before giving up. So come on over to the new digs and jump into the conversation.

We’ll leave the light on for you.

Movin’ Day

If something looks screwy with this site, it’s because I’m working on migrating my blog to a new domain.

There is much testing, error, retesting, and re-erroring to be done.

I will let you know when/if I am successful.

And always remember:

You complete me.

Lost in Space

Well friends, our nation is yet again captivated by the truly bizarre: a former astronaut who went daffy and allegedly planned to kill or maim a co-worker.

Here are some enjoyable quotes from the story:

Police charged Nowak with attempting to murder Colleen Shipman based on weapons and other items found with Nowak or in her car: pepper spray, a BB-gun, a new steel mallet, knife and rubber tubing.

Nowak’s lawyer, Donald Lykkebak, took issue with the most serious charge against her (attempted first-degree murder), saying: “In the imaginations of the police officers, they extend these facts out into areas where the facts can’t be supported.”

Yes, indeedy.

But seriously, now. I want you to think about the very real possibility that the police may have drawn unfair conclusions about her intent based solely on the contents of this poor woman’s car.

So think back now, if you will, to the last time you were driving cross-country while wearing adult diapers. (What? Just me? Really?) What — other than a fully continent adult wearing Pampers, of course — was in your car that might have been suspicious?

All I’m sayin’ is that when they outlaw pepper spray, BB guns, steel mallets, knives and rubber tubing, only astronauts outlaws will carry pepper spray, BB guns, steel mallets, knives and rubber tubing. Because it is, you know, completely possible that this woman was just, oh, going turkey hunting.

With a BB gun.

And a knife to field-dress the bird.

And a mallet to tenderize the cutlets.

And pepper spray to, umm, provide flavor. (That’s the ticket!)

And rubber tubing. Because hey, who doesn’t need rubber tubing? How many times have you been on a cross-country trip and found yourself in Omaha, fighting with your spouse because they left the stinkin’ rubber tubing on the coffee table?

Rubber tubing: It’s the new duct tape.

Coming soon from Hasbro: Baby’s First Bathtub Toaster

Great news for parents: A million Easy-Bake Ovens are now under recall. The toy ovens are being recalled because – stay with me here, this might get confusing – the ovens can burn children and/or trap their little hands or fingers.

An oven? Burning? Trapping hands and fingers? Unthinkable.

If you own one of these death traps but can’t stand the thought of depriving your kids of their toy, you can, according to the story, correct the safety issues by ordering a “retrofit kit.”

Ten bucks says the kit is a pair of kid-sized oven mitts.

Here’s Brick with the weather…

Explain to me why it is that a television reporter feels the need to do something – usually something trivial – as they talk to the camera. 

“…I’m Ernie McFlapgum, and tonight I’ll tell you why some poultry farmers in the area are nervous…” (picks up live chicken and wrings its neck)

The other day I saw a reporter turn on a water faucet, and then strike this “How about that?” pose for the camera, as if to say, “I’ll take that Emmy now!” 

* * * * *

So the other night – Saturday, I think it was – ABC broadcasts “Anchorman” and then follows it immediately with your late local news. I can’t remember if it was Heather Flanigan or Tiffany Blankenship or someone else anchoring KAIT-8’s “NightBeat” that eve, but I felt so-o-o-o-o-o-o sorry for her. Remarkably and to her credit, she held it together and did a very credible job.

But how in the world does one attempt a serious broadcast – or even just one for KAIT-8 – after the hilarity of a movie like Anchorman? I know that poor broadcaster had to be dying to sign off with, “Goodnight, Jonesboro… you stay classy.”

My Baby Got No Name

We can’t think of a baby name.

All the baby names are taken. All of them. Here we are, just a few weeks from the special day when our third son will arrive, and we are now facing the grim realization that we will have no name awaiting this child.

Lavernaeus Othello?

Axl Panache?

Flameboy McSlapstick?

Yep, they’re all claimed. The list of available names is much less spectacular. We can have Rufus, Leonard or Otto. That’s it. That’s the list.

I think baby names should be like business names. You want to be Acme Widgets LLC? Sorry, somebody’s already done that. You’ll have to be Acme Widgets of Lower Beaver Falls, Commonwealth of Pennsylvania Where Benjamin Franklin Entertained Friends and Provoked Enemies Via Superior Wit and Guile LLC.

Now that’s a name.

So send us your names. Give us some help here, lest this baby’s name be reduced to a series of underscores and asterisks. Glyph will be this child’s nickname.

The best name suggestion wins… well, something. (We’ll have a contest to decide what prize a contest winner should receive.)

But will they apply for a liquor license?

Today marks a beginning and an end in the Northeast Arkansas (and Tulsa) banking community.

IberiaBank’s acquisition of Pocahontas Bancorp, the holding company for the successful and large First Community Bank, was finalized yesterday. Iberia now carries a significant profile and influence in the Jonesboro banking market. (Which is growing faster in Jonesboro: the number of banks or the number of restaurants trying to become private clubs? By the way, there is no truth to rumors that this banking transaction was opposed by some Jonesboro residents because Iberia has the word “beer” in it.)

But the news isn’t all rosy here. Iberia has already handed out some pink slips to Northeast Arkansas employees. Sure, the upper echelon of executives often are replaced in these transactions, and that’s the case here. (Former PB President and CEO Dwayne Powell begins his two-year consulting and non-compete contract with Iberia today.) But other areas of FCB’s and PB’s operations have been shaved as well, sending more than a few employees into a still-sluggish employment market in Northeast Arkansas.

With the number of banks in the area growing almost daily, it’s my hope that none of these people go jobless for very long.

Bloffice 2.1.2007

Blog…Office… Bloffice. Get it? That minor in English has already paid for itself.

We’re watching on tape-delay at the Austin residence, but don’t let that stop you. If you want to drop a line about tonight’s episode of The Office, use the comments section attached to this here post.

Soy You, Soy Me

Freshly minted state Sen. Robert Thompson (D-Paragould) took a bit of a beating in yesterday’s Fort Smith Times Record. The print-and-ink pummeling came over Thompson’s proposed legislative push to make biodiesel much, much more widely available than it is now. From the linked editorial:

What (Thompson) is attempting is to dictate market forces. He says he’s planning to file legislation that would force service stations to stop selling regular petroleum diesel and begin selling biodiesel.

The monkey wrench you hear being thrown into Thompson’s plan is the fact that prices for soybeans – the primary “bio” element of biodiesel – are rising even as traditional petroleum fuel prices drop. ($1.90 a gallon for regular unleaded, if you know where to look.)

And that means the demand for alternative fuels is dropping, too. (I’ll bet the demand for hybrid autos has seen or will see a similar decline if prices at the pump stay near the $2-per-gallon mark.) We are forgetful folk, and we’re too quick to believe the meme that gas prices will go low and stay low for the most part. The fact is, gas prices will go up again, probably as soon as our first air strike on Iran. But regardless of politics or pocketbooks, searching out greener pastures for our future energy demands is the responsible and noble thing to do. Crude oil may dry up (or blow up), but soybeans are forever, baby.

More from the Times Record:

Another biofuel entrepreneur says there are about 30 biodiesel pumps operating in the state right now, but to get the industry really rolling, the fuel is going to have to jump from small usage to something that is heavily used. He’s probably right, but those transitions occur at their own pace.

Again, this new field looks as if it could be a boon for the state, creating jobs and spurring the economy, especially in rural areas, but the state should create incentives and a nurturing environment in which that can happen and not force feed it into existence.

…

It is … misguided for the state to get mixed up in dictating what product is sold and where. That’s where the law of supply and demand comes in, and that law is always going to be a lot smarter in meeting the needs of the public than any law the state Legislature can produce.

It will be interesting to see if Sen. Thompson’s quest is fulfilled, or if he’s just tilting at windmills. Or, in this case, combines.

UPDATE: Did someone mention a sickening dependence on costly fossil fuels?

 

The Office: 2.1.2007

You know a show is good when its one-sentence online synopsis makes you laugh. On tonight’s all-new episode of The Office (entitled “Ben Franklin”):

“Michael enlists the help of Todd Packer when planning Phyllis’ wedding shower.”

 

(That’s Todd F. Packer, thank you very much.)

You can watch a preview here (unless you have Internet Lite, in which case you’ll just frustrate yourself waiting on it to load).

And be sure to check in here at CRJ tonight or tomorrow to discuss this episode.